Sourblood

I know that this is two chapters in a row, but I couldn't leave y'all hanging! Enjoy. =D

C H A P T E R T E N

Delys snorted, but somehow it managed to be a graceful sound. Aslina wondered how that was possibly fair.

“That’s something of an exaggeration. I told you that you could leave, if that’s what you wanted. And if you stop being annoying now, I won’t put your friends on the menu for tonight.”

Aslina’s eyes narrowed, still trying to keep calm.

“That,” she hissed, “is a lie.”

“Well, you certainly wouldn’t ever find out. Besides, it’s not like you could be friends… afterwards.” He smirked triumphantly.

“I don’t care! You seem to think that if you’re a sociopath, so is everyone else. Whether or not I see them again, they should get to live out happy lives. Even if I – don’t.”

Tina and Jason looked back and forth between the two, the exact same expression of exasperated puzzlement on both their faces.

“Are we missing something?” Tina whispered, a slightly hysterical edge to her squeaky voice.

“Not much. Lins is being whiny – as if being immortal isn’t a good thing – and I’m trying to get her to see reason.”

There was silence for a moment, as Delys took a moment to study Tina’s face. Aslina’s stomach twisted as his eyes flickered briefly to her neck.

“It can’t be – it just…” he whispered, face mildly tainted with surprise. “No, but then…”

He was by her side in a split second, the quiet words that slipped from his mouth dazing the helpless teen. She stood for a moment, swaying, and then fell into his arms, eyes slowly sliding shut.

Delys smiled, hand twitching at his side; his eyes shot to Jason, who fell backwards into the leaves, unconscious.

Then he disappeared into the trees, a horrible echo trembling through Aslina’s very bones.

“Sourblood.”

No one had spoken a word in much too long. The last sound anyone had made was Tina’s painful gasp as the life quickly faded from her; as she began to regain consciousness.

The cold seeped into Aslina’s body, her every joint ached from the tense position she had held for what seemed like hours. But she didn’t dare move, not when it would be so easy for Delys to switch targets.

A plan began to form quickly in her panicked mind; a crazy one, but a plan nonetheless. She might – just might – be able to save Jason… and Tina (she fought back a fresh wave of tears as she thought if it, wondering if the limp body that Delys leant over somewhere deep in the forest was still occupied by her best friend).

She stood, defiance and fear fighting for control over her trembling body. The tiny amount of her brain which was still sane insisted that she start running as fast as was humanly possible, but she ignored it, knowing she would rather die in the attempted rescue than desert her friends.

She closed her eyes, taking an silent breath to slow her racing heart. Then-

“Did you know I can hear your heart speed up? Slow down, and… stop?”

Delys was beside her, one arm wrapped securely around her waist. She opened her eyes slowly, flinching as she looked into his face. His irises were burning with an amazing inner light, that same look in them that she had seen when she’d downed the beer.

“It can get amazingly annoying, having to hear so many hearts beat at the same time…” He paused, one finger brushing her chin gently. “There are only – only two hearts beating in this clearing right now. Do you know what that means, Lins?” She didn’t move a muscle to reply, and so he continued. “There were three hearts beating only a few minutes ago. And one stopped. Oh, I could probably get it going again, if I really wanted to. But – I don’t.”

Aslina realized too late what he was doing. She blinked stupidly, and found herself lying in the grass, a sigh trickling into her ears from somewhere nearby. It sounded exactly like the one Tina had given when – Tina.

It hit Aslina like a two-ton truck. She’d been too idiotic to realize what Delys was saying, yet now it was all too clear. He’d drank every last drop of Tina’s blood, or near enough that her heart had stopped its beating. And that sigh… Jason was dead, too?

She pulled herself up, searching around the visible forest for any sign of life – nothing. What did the monster do with her friends? A tear trickled down her cheek; cold fingers brushed it gently away. She shivered, a voice whispering into her ear, smooth and breathy.

“Your turn.”

It was foggy, and she was wandering through thick marshes. Bugs kept biting her neck, and occasionally her wrists; she thought she knew why, but whenever she almost remembered, the thing she was searching for scrambled away again, like a frightened kitten.

It seemed like hours before a voice boomed through the thick air, and a fresh breeze blew through the morass around her.

“Let her go, Del. You cannot change her yet… she could die.”

Another voice shuddered through the expanse, and the bugs flew away in an instant.

“You’re – you’re right, Lathos. She could die, and I cannot risk that. Do you think she will survive… even now?”

The second voice sounded less concerned and more amused, but there was a sharp edge of… something else in its tone.

“Yes, if you do not… start again. I know that I can’t stop you from changing her – someday. But…?” There was a pleading note in his voice.

“Aslina will be my only company, Lathos. I refuse to deprive myself of some small… enjoyment.”

She stirred, the rock that lay beneath her shifting slightly. Wait – rock shifting?

Rocks don’t move on their own, she thought, ever.

C H A P T E R N I N E

He started pacing distractedly, apparently not noticing when his foot came down hard on her arm. Aslina closed her eyes, the pain that fought to render her unconscious crowding in on all sides. She wanted so badly to enjoy these last moments, before she...

Delys froze, his odd mutterings fading away.

“Lins? Lins? Aslina Twar!”

Her eyes snapped open, immediately recognizing her best friend’s voice. She didn’t try to get up – she could feel the stabbing pain in her arm – yet the voices were getting louder, and she began to hope.

“Lins! Lins, where are you?”

Forgetting any broken bones, Aslina sprang up, Jason’s voice giving her new hope.

“What a fortunate day this is turning out be! Three, all for me? Someone must like me.”

She had been so excited that she had forgotten Delys existed. Panic caught in her throat, and she almost forgot how to breathe.

“No! Please don’t! They don’t – I can’t… you won’t really, will you?”

Delys laughed softly, eyes alight in the pale beams of the moon.

“Lins, dear, you drastically overestimate my conscience. There hasn’t been so much delicious blood in these parts for too long. I have to take advantage of the small amount of my kind in the woods tonight. Being a loner really does pay off, doesn’t it? Sharing is so obnoxious…”

She opened her mouth to let him know exactly how vast her knowledge of insults stretched, but at that exact moment her two best friends stumbled into what was soon to be the scene of at least two murders.

Tina froze, another call of ‘Lins!’ catching in her throat. She made a strange gurgling sound, and Aslina was afraid her eyes might simply fall out of their enormous sockets.

“Ah, and they have arrived. I was sure tracking was in order tonight, but Lady Luck really must have fallen in love with me.”

Jason looked critically at Delys, as though wondering if this was his competition. Then he turned to Aslina, eyes shining happily.

“Aslina, what the hell became of you? You were supposed to wait for us…” He paused, brow furrowing. “It turns out I did have a my cell, and the minute we turned the corner, it was just – there. Crazy, I know! We called nine-one-one, but then they took us off to the hospital, and wouldn’t come back for you so. By the time they finally got their lazy asses over to the truck, you’d disappeared!”

“Wait,” Aslina said. “You guys were hurt?”

Jason flushed, stealthily moving a hand behind his back. She leapt forward, taking as gentle a hold of it as she could.

“How many effing fingers did you break?” She squeaked, looking at him desperately.

“Three. But Tina only broke a toe, so she was pretty much fine.”

Tina laughed, a squeaky sound that usually made one want to cover one’s ears and protest.

“You make it sound like I had a choice to break more bones, and if I did, then I would be braver, or something.” She rolled her eyes, and then limped over to Aslina, hugging her tightly.

“And who is - that?” Tina asked, acting (As usual, Aslina thought) as if Delys wasn’t smart enough to answer for himself.

“No one much.”

Aslina was trying to stay calm, struggling to stall Delys until she hit on a way to save her friends. She knew, with a sad certainty, that it was too late for her own rescue.

“What a grand introduction! Aslina here is not in the best of moods. Donovan McMerdoc, if you were wondering. I found her in the woods, barely scathed, and am trying to get her home. Do you know the way?”

Aslina made a strange giggling noise, nearly cracking up at Delys’ made-up name.

“McMerdoc?” she choked, somehow fighting to keep her sudden good humor in check. “What kind of stupid name is that?”

Tina shot a confused glance at her usually polite friend, an inexplicable sense of foreboding making her heart race.

“Y-yes, we know the way.” She lied, abruptly feeling that all she wanted to do was leave ‘Donovan’ far behind. “Is there anything we can do to thank you?”

Aslina’s laughter turned into a cough mid-giggle, as Tina gave Delys a perfect opportunity to drink her dry.

“Oh, no thank you. It’s so lonely, living in the woods. It was nice to have company for awhile.”
He smiled sweetly, a saintly figure in the dark.

“Well, then. I suppose we’ll get going. Thanks again!”

Tina all but raced away, grabbing Jason’s free hand, who – in turn – held onto Aslina tightly.

“Lins, where were you? And who is he, really?” Jason asked, as soon as he thought they were out of ear-shot.

“Don’t look back. Don’t dawdle. Don’t talk. Don’t do anything, damn you!” Aslina hissed, taking charge as she – quite nearly – dragged them along.

Tina and Jason knew her too well to be hurt by her sharp tone, and the only emotion they felt was fear. What could be horrible enough for Aslina to be this scared?

“Aslina, we’ll do what we can to obey you,” - here Jason snickered - “but we’d like to know what the hell is going on, if that’s not too strenuous.”

“It’s pretty simple. If we don’t get out of these woods in record time, we will all be – more or less – dead.”

There was a terrible silence, broken only by the rustlings they made as they forged through the dense underbrush. After what Aslina would’ve called ‘an eternity or so’, Tina spoke, trembling in her friend’s tight grip.

“Who… who’s the mass-murderer here?”

Aslina didn’t bother to look at her friend as she muttered it.

“Mr. Donovan McMerdoc.”

A sarcastic edge cut into her voice, and she sighed, slowing slightly.

“I know I should try to escape, but I’d rather not exert the effort. He’ll be occupied long enough with me, and you might get away before it’s too late for all three of us.”

She flopped down into the leaves and the soft grass, leaving behind a thicker silence than before. Tina opened and closed her mouth more than once, but couldn’t seem to make anymore noise than a few squeaks and a hoarse whimper.

“If he kills you, he’s going to have to kill us first. Horrible cliché, I know, but there’s not much more to say. We won’t leave you behind, and you won’t budge. I know that much.” Jason sat down beside her, a sad smile on his normally happy face.

“You don’t know anything, Jason. Even after you nearly broke my neck with that horrible trick of yours, and we became friends, I never told you everything.” She snapped.

Tina frowned, spreading herself out next to Aslina.

“So since we’re all so close to death, won’t you tell us now? All you ever said about your Mom was that she died when you were five. And that… and that they never found the murderer.”

She knew it was immoral and selfish of her to let her friends stay, but she also knew that they wouldn’t leave without her. After a short struggle with her own conscience, she gave in. Sitting up, she began the story.

“Like you said, I was five. I lived in this huge house with my Mum, all gold and marble and toys; anything I wanted, really. It’s sort of vague, that day. I was sitting out in the yard, talking to a roly-poly that was all curled up on the porch. I started looking around to find a good home for him, when a saw something big and white in the bushes. It turned out to be a letter, and when I brought it to my Mom, she said it was… was addressed to me. I don’t think she believed me when I said I found it in the back yard…” Aslina trailed off, lost in her own memories. Yel and Jason didn’t try to snap her out of it, and she began again in a few moments, eyes now glistening. “She started to read it, and I remember her eyes got wide, and she looked like someone had delivered a death threat, or something. I tried to ask her what was wrong, but she just rushed me inside. I remember precisely what she said to me… ‘Aslina Chaeurette, go to your room and lock the door. Do not open to anyone, even if it sounds like Mommy wants to come in. Do you understand?’

“I was too scared to protest, and I just ran to my room, and slammed the door behind me. I – I remember forgetting to lock it, too. For about two minutes, I hid my face in a pillow on my bed, and I thought I heard my Mom talking to someone else. His voice… it was all… silky… and sort of evil. But I wasn’t listening hard enough to hear anything distinct, even though the window to the front yard was wide open, about… five feet away from me.

“And then… then there was this horrible, horrible noise. It sounded like a – a lion. A really, really angry lion. That terrified me so bad, all I wanted to do was find Mom. So I ran out into the front as fast as my chubby legs could carry me - I didn’t even notice I was crying.

“I’ll never forget what I saw on the front porch, no matter what happens to me. This man - he couldn’t have been more than twenty-something – was ripping at my Mother’s throat, and still making that disgusting growling noise. He saw me, and his eyes… they… they shone. Like someone had – had lit a fire behind them. He stopped trying to kill my Mom and got up, reaching for me. And he said in this – this horrible voice, ‘Come, Aslina. You’re Mother is dead, and your father will be dead too soon. Would you like to die, or follow Lliestt?’”

“And for a moment, I was going to go with him. He just seemed to make so much sense. His hand was out, he was gonna take care of me…

“She reached over, and grabbed my little fingers with her own, and she - she howled. It sounded exactly like an injured wolf. The last thing I remember seeing was Lliestt. I’ve never, ever seen anyone angrier than that. Not ever. He lunged at me, and then—“

“And then you were transported to your fathers’ house, and lived like any other child in Chicago for eleven, deliciously happy years. Lliestt searched for all of those years, searched everywhere. But now I have found you instead, and I will take you to him. He’ll like to,” the parasite paused, almost thoughtful for a moment. Then a smile struck his face forcefully. “See you again.”

“He’s not going to see anyone. I’ll make sure you kill me, don’t worry.”

The false pretense of confidence resounded in Aslina’s voice, and she almost believed what she said.

“Wasn’t that… what he was planning t’do anyway?” Jason queried, thoroughly confused by now.

“No, actually. Much, much worse than that. He wants me to spend eternal damnation with him. To kill others just to survive. To somehow weather the storm of his acute idiocy, and bear the pain of his unrealistically large ego.” Aslina snarled, pulling herself to her feet; the leaves protested feebly beneath her.

WOW. Wowwowowowowowowowow. That's all I can say.....haha! I always have something to say!

Soooo, I love it that Yel and Jason are back, i was so mad when Jason disappeared and now he's...dead? HELP!! I don't want him to be dead! And Yel? NO!!

And ANOTHER vampire? I'm so excited to meet him. Was he the other guy at the beginning or was that someone else? I'm confused. But I love how unpredictable Delys is--at first he's all 'lets kill everyone' and then he says, 'oh, let's just make everyone a vampire!' And then he somehow does both. It's crazy

But, even thoug i don't want to say it, I would like a little bit more in-between time. More time with Jason and everything. It makes me sad that he's only there for like TEN SECONDS!!! Wahhhhh

Anywayzzzz....MORE! Is she gonna become a vampire??! I'm nercous

SIDE NOTE~~~~writers block...I dont know when it will go away and i think I might have already mentioned it. But I hope i will get an inspiration soon to write more spriteish adventures....

Okay that's fine! Just PM me or something when you do

C H A P T E R E I G H T

“And… you were only lying to us, back when you used your talent? You actually enjoy that pleading; that pain?”

He seemed surprised that she would even bother to ask.

“Lins, dear, I thought you of all people would be able to guess that. Nothing makes humans – or those especial wolves – so vulnerable as sympathy. At least for that trick. It was almost too easy,” he added thoughtfully, chewing his lip.

“So what’s the plan?” Aslina sighed, trying hard to pretend she was resigned to her horrible death.
Delys looked over, a gleam in his eyes that sent an involuntary shiver down her back.

“Well, I haven’t gotten it all worked out yet. All I can be sure of is that when I find the right place for it, I can’t scratch you up too quick. Then you’ll bleed, and it’ll be irresistible…” He trailed off; not embarrassed by what he said, but doing so to make the situation even worse for the girl beside him.

“Oh, yes… of course. It makes sense, I mean. ‘Cause then you would drink my blood too fast, and I wouldn’t suffer enough pain for the thing of which you are punishing me.”

Delys laughed, pulling the beer can back out of his pocket.

“You must be thirsty, not having had anything to drink for so long. Almost dehydrated, if I’m correct. Go on, try it.”

He popped it open, wrapping her shaking hands around the cold aluminum.

“So I’m going to season myself?” She choked, trying to keep the tremble out of her quiet voice.

He laughed again, shaking his head.

“I suppose that is a way to put it. But I don’t want you to pass out, either.”

She looked up at him, the smell of death – and something she, like Escarne’s mother, couldn’t quite put her finger on – nearly overpowering her.

“And you’re not going to tell me what I did wrong?” She could no longer keep the high-pitched squeak from her voice, but she still fought it fiercely.

“Hah! I almost forgot. And yet, I thought it would be obvious enough to you.” He smiled sweetly, waiting a moment to continue. “Don’t you remember? Very well, I’ll recite them for you. Firstly, you saw through Escarne’s veil, which was entirely unplanned. Then, you transformed into a wolf, which tainted your blood considerably. After that, you found out what happened to your Mother. And as if that wasn’t enough, you saw the true dream; what actually happened to her, in the end. That tallies up to a lot of punishment, if you hadn’t noticed.” His voice was light, teasing. But the way his eyes flashed told her he definitely wasn’t joking. It didn’t help her mood.

“Drink it.” And this time he was quite serious, no hint of anything but command in his tone.

Aslina hated beer – or any alcohol, for that matter – but the menace in his eyes was completely real, and so she choked down the offending liquid, her stomach protesting weakly; futilely.

“Ahh,” he whispered, taking deep breaths of the moist night air. For a moment, Aslina did not understand, and then it connected, and the beer can fell from her numb hand.

When Delys looked back at her, there was something more in his orangey-brown eyes. Just a trick of the moonlight, or a lust for her blood?

“Ahh,” he repeated, but now his eyes were on her neck, and then her wrists, and back again, just as they had been that first night. “I wonder how much longer I can restrain myself, for some personal enjoyment?” He mused, a horribly dark hint in his soft, breathy voice.

“Or you could just kill me now, and it would all be over, and I could go to the afterlife, and forget all about scary, parasitic monsters, such as yourself.”

His eyes dragged slowly away from her neck, resting on her face for a few slow seconds.

“Did you think I would kill you? No, that was always out of the question. Besides, I get bored, being the only one in this damned forest. Even ‘monsters such as myself’ deserve company. If that company is also a monster. If not, it is rather hard to curb my cravings.”

He licked his pale lips, eyes going back to her unprotected throat.

“So warm,” he whispered. “So, so vulnerable.”

It took what seemed like hours for what Delys had just said to actually sink in. He was going to make her become a… a bloodthirsty – and this in quite a literal sense – animal, just to keep him company?

As they stood there, her thoughts strayed slowly to her family - or what was left. Just she and her father, and their two cats. Jerrald and Hawthorne. They loved each other, as well as animals can, and they loved her.

Henry, her mind wandered to her father’s smiling face. If he knew… no, but he doesn’t. And, a few tears escaped her eyes stealthily, rolling down her soft cheeks. He never will. Not unless they find my body – no, he’s not going to kill me. He’s going to do much worse than that.

“And yet,” he mused, shattering her painful reverie. “I’ve always wondered how long it really takes…”

In a split second, she was on the ground, head pounding horribly. She cursed, watching as Delys knelt down, so he was almost level with her heaving chest.

For a moment, he simply sat there, trembling with the urge to give into this intense bloodlust.

He blinked once, twice, and then stood, looking away into the woods for a moment. A growled frustration tore into his voice.

“Too fragile,” he murmured, “too easy to break…”

Aslina tried to look asleep, or unconscious, so he might give her a few minutes more of her humanity, before she lost it all.

I don't have time to go through your whole critique just yet - however, thank you in advance! xD

I hope I c'n get to it soon. ;-;

-

Edit: You have an interesting of looking at the whole thing, and if you'd like to review more, feel free. =D Although I do believe you were mistaken when you said 'some'. It seems only two other faithful followers have catapulted from 'Ancient Lies' to this. ;-;

Oh well, thanks! ;D

-SELA

Okay, now I'm reviewing chapter 2!

other scents she wasn’t sure of helping her racing heart to calm and slow.

Then she heard a husky voice pulling through the fog

“Listen,” Aslina slurred dazedly, opening her eyes. “I dunno what’s going on, but I’d like to go home if that’s… okay…” she trailed off when she realized where she was.

orangey-brown eyes

She turned her head towards the speaker, and the moment they locked eyes he seemed to age, from thirty to fifty. His brown hair was suddenly tinged with grey, and wrinkles appeared where there had been none before. He stared down his blunt nose at her, shaking his head in disbelief.

His green eyes were full of regret,

Aslina steeled herself

I really enjoyed this and was hooked from the very beginning, it is very well-written and I really got a sense of the scene and could picture a scared and excited sixteen-year-old at the back of a truck under the starry-night sky.

However, here's a few things I thought you could consider editing:

Yelznise complained bitterly, her short blonde hair whipping around her anxious face.

she handed the little object to Yel

she could almost catch a song in its flow.

Her fingers curled around the shiny object, shaking with sorrow… or was it rage?

in the corner

For a moment, time seemed to freeze,

the whole thing

she was flung bodily

WHAT!!?? what what what what!!!??? Noone else has reviewed?!?! Absolutely stupid. >>

Gosh, this was amazing....i'm afraid my stories have TOO much down time but yours just NEVER stop moving!! Personally, I like it, but I'm not sure how well it would work in a novel...since this is obviously too long to be a short story.

I LOVE DONOVAN MCMERDOCK!!! haha!!! That was so awesome when he did that!! And i totally love Jason and how he played that trick that almost broke her neckkk....I see romance ahead...

The only thing I don't understand is why he doesn't just kill her friends and then make her into a vampire. I also dont understand why he suddenly remembers that this other person wants to see her. maybe it makes sense and i'm just to dumb to get it. But maybe it needs to be clearer--is that even a word!!???

Anyway...IM IN LOVE WITH YOuR VAMPIRE but I'm also confused. Help me out....

Oh. and I don't know when i'll have more chapters of THE END and sprite story. I'm kind of in writers block mode...just got back from Chicago and summer is always super unhelpful to my writing...my stupid boyfriend is so damn distracting.................<3 but i love im...haha

C H A P T E R S E V E N

“So… are there any other va- I mean, any more of Delys’ kind in these woods?” She knew it wasn’t a very good subject opener, but curiosity took its toll on her intelligence.

“Not that we know of. They smell – well, they just don’t like these woods… I’m not entirely sure why.”

Once again, silence began to settle in. Aslina knew that Sarra was lying, but not maliciously. She prepared again to ask the question that had been nagging her for so long.

“Let’s go sit in the living room, shall we? There’s a fresh breeze, and it’s rather stuffy in here.”
Aslina stopped a sigh from slipping out, following the little procession to the rug by the fire.

They sat down in a little square, Aslina with her back to the fresh breeze. At first, her nose was too clogged with the good smells of dinner to pick up anything other than grass, trees, and clear, fresh air, but then it came again. She looked around at the three before her, and froze on Sarra’s face.

“Aslina.” Es’ mother said quietly.

“Yes?”

“Do you smell that – that thing in the air?”

Aslina paused, then nodded, her heart racing as it had when – Shiz, she thought, wondering if it was already too late.

Sarra stood abruptly, obviously fighting to keep the fear from her voice.

“Escarne, you smell it too, don’t you?”

“Yes, I – I do.” Aslian could tell that the eighteen-year-old was struggling to sound calm.

Sarra nodded decisively, surveying the faces of her two children. Chals was scared, Es looked – shocked.

Sighing, Es’ mother picked Challi up, placing a hand on Aslina’s shoulder.

“Let’s take a stroll over to Lathos’ house, shall we? We have Lady Luck to thank if she helps us get there safely, and—”

“Don’t bother. She has always liked me more.”

Aslina grudgingly turned her head towards the voice, heart stopping as she saw who was leaning in the doorway, eyes dancing with a certain enjoyment.

He reached into his jean pocket, somehow pulling out a full can of beer.

“Hey Lins! Let’s take a walk. Drinks on me.”

“Oh, I’d rather not. Still underage, if you remember.”

She winked at him teasingly, knowing that in the end he’d probably win the argument. Yet something urged her to be resistant, and she set a determined sneer firmly on her rosy lips.

Escarne caught on quickly.

“Yea-yeah. And did you hear about the mountain lion attack? Not safe out there.” She nodded sagely, trying to keep the stutter from her voice.

“Hey, no problem. It wasn’t really a mountain lion anyways. Funny, I didn’t realize how much I looked like one. Then again, humans will do practically anything to make sure their world is as ‘real’ – in their own pathetic definition of the word – as possible.”

He matched Aslina’s sneer with one of his own, playing idly with the beer can.

“What is it with you guys and picking on my race? I mean, it’s not as if… as if either of your kind are any better.”

She tried not to think of Delys attacking a defenseless old woman, decidedly confident.

“Yeah, well,” the parasite struck a ridiculous pose, leaning against the doorframe coolly. “I didn’t come here to argue the pros and cons of each particular race.”

He looked meaningfully at Aslina – or rather, at her neck.

“No, you didn’t… But if you supposed I would take a walk with you, well, - I just didn’t know guys of your kind were that stupid. Maybe the girls are smarter.” She added, the sneer fading on its own.

“Females, smarter? If I was easily offended, I’d- but no, I don’t see any particular reason to care. After all, potential meals shouldn’t have feelings. Or at least, those who hunt them should not have to be bothered by their whining. It does get boring – having to listen to those ridiculous pleas. And it becomes harder to not feel a certain sympathy, the younger they are. As you take their lives, you can almost see their futures melting away, just as their strength dwindles within them...”

Aslina blinked apathetically, realizing with an abrupt, heart-stopping horror that she was strolling along at Delys’ side, his icy arm flung over her shoulders.

The parasite laughed, eyes twinkling with cruel amusement.

“I can’t even begin explain how much I love to do that. My talent worked surprisingly well, even for the dogs. Usually they only end up restless, but they were too touched by my precious complaints, too united with all those damned, dead humans and werewolves that disappear in this forest. However, I doubt I shall ever feast upon old ladies again. They taste… like someone left them in the sun too long.”

He made a sour face, and Aslina’s stomach twisted, a feeling of intense hatred rendering her nearly blind for a moment.

“And you, who must be some disgusting mistake of Mother Nature, you claim to be better?” She growled, trying to desperately to hide the fear writhing inside of her, at his show of utter shamelessness.

“Mistake? I see myself more as one who helps to weed out the idiots in this imperfect world. Some lucky dude who gets to go around killing other people, with a perfect justification: Survival.”

A frown set carefully in place, Aslina shrugged his arm off. He pulled it back over her shoulders, this time much firmer. She sighed, then remembered something abruptly.

“What about animal blood? Can’t you drink it instead? Not that you’re one to be humane.”

Delys raised an eyebrow, smirking at what Aslina supposed was her own ignorance.

“Oh, I can. I tried some elephant blood once. But,” he paused - Aslina could tell it was merely to phrase his words in the most evil, dramatic way possible. “I like human blood better. Besides, animals don’t feel pain the same way. They don’t plead, or scream, or thrash around – or for the last one, they don’t do it so much.”

Her stomach did an extra theatrical twist, and she fought to keep calm. So he really was that evil?


-----

I know it's long, but I had to find a good place to stop.

I want some reviews - c'mon! Need opinions, y'all. =D

.....Wow. That was sooooo good. Delys is completely amazing and I love him. I have to disagree with Chern...sociopaths NEVER get boring...*cough* sprite *cough*

I think the language in this one was better. I liked the way you described the way Lins was feeling and the way Delys sounded and looked and all that. It was incredible. I also liked the way he can HYPNOTISE!!! That was crazy and totally original...if he would have been able to read minds I would have been peeved....haha. but I love it!!!

I can't believe you left off at the exact WRONG point!! Is he going to turn her into a vampire or is he going to kill her!?!?! AAAHHHH!!! The suspense is too muchhhhhhhhhhhhh

So i love it. WRITE MORE NOOOOOWWWWW (amd read mine)

The funny thing is, well... I didn't that totally unconsciously. I'm just drawn to forests, dahhling. Ah well, SB is moving along nicely, and I believe I have plenty of chapters to post. Too bad no one but you and LittleBC ever review. ;-;

Well, very exciting, to say the least. Although I can't help admitting, however unnecessary it might be, that I'm slightly tired of people/things with NO conscious whatsoever. Not even a hint of one. They can only be so interesting, something I learned the LONGER way.

I only noticed your normal dialogue problems--which you need to fix YOURSELF--but everything else was fine.

The dialogue is good--as in, I can tell the characters apart--and it's amusing. The description is good--although I would like to see you describe something like a cathedral or a city just to get you out of the woods. The plot seems a little bit shaky since I'm not altogether certain how and why he wants her. Like James, maybe? Just for the fun of it? (I know you described it but it didn't seem to fit exactly).

The hypnosis thing MAY be adding more than is necessary. 'Specially since it's a Kayo thing. Although it did work fine.

Your writing is very good, and seems to be improving, but I still think your imagination is wild enough that you could go somewhere far from forests and sociopaths and find something gold and awesome. But like I said, I can't help liking your stories...

C H A P T E R S I X


“That’s great, honey. I just - I don’t have time for…” The woman who strode into view stopped abruptly, staring at the two girls.

Later, Aslina would swear that for the shortest second, she had seen the woman’s pupils swallow her green irises. Almost as if a black hole had sucked out all the color. They were searching for something that lay within this girl, something important.

“Oh, it’s you! Aslina Chaeurette, believe it or not I knew your mother. Yes, it may come as a surprise, but my goodness! You, I’m happy to say, took after both your parents quite a lot. Your father’s nose, and his beautiful green eyes, but you have her lips. Those dainty little lips of hers. Hah! She hated them so much! It’s a good thing you didn’t get her eyes, though. Yes, that was certainly a stroke of luck.”

She stood in the doorway for a moment, eyes (that were back to normal) clouding over with something Aslina imagined were mere memories of her own past. Then she ushered them inside, sitting them down in a squishy couch which lounged in the corner of the hut.

“I’m finishing dinner. Just stay there, alright?”

She rushed away to another room of the house, chattering animatedly to herself.

“What was that all about? And how could she have… have known my Mom?”

Escarne looked at Aslina calmly, a frown puckering her brow.

“I thought I told you. They… they used to hang around here. A long time ago, before Mom got married. Then one night, they ran into this guy who was meandering through the woods. Both our Mom’s felt he was evil, but he kept acting so nice. Polite, not drunk, and very, very handsome. That’s what Mom said, at least. Then they heard this noise a little up ahead as they were walking and talking, and Mom said she would go ahead, and for your Mom and this gentleman to stay behind. They forgot to not trust him, I guess. So she went up ahead, and couldn’t find anything dangerous. She came back, and they were gone. Just - gone. No traces, no scents, nothing. She said she just stood there for awhile. But then her nose warned her. A smell that she knew instinctively was everywhere. The same one you found when Del- De- when he was chasing us.”

“Death.” Aslina remembered that smell, that horrible, sickly sweet scent, and shivered, turning with horrified eyes to the former wolf.

“Yeah. But she said it wasn’t… wasn’t quite like death. She said there was another smell, something she couldn’t ever put her claw - finger on. And then she heard him calling. She’s… she’s never told me what he said. My Mom sprinted home as fast as she could, and never came back. And she told me that… that she didn’t ever see your Mom again.”

Aslina opened her mouth to ask the question she’d been mulling over in her mind since she’d met this odd girl. It seemed that if she didn’t ask it then, she might never. And for a moment, she hesitated, wondering if she really should.

“Es…?”

Escarne turned to her, plain curiosity on her face.

Aslina opened her mouth, about to let it all spill out-

“Essi! Essi you homes!”

A little brown-haired boy skittered in, his green eyes distracting Aslina – reminding her vividly of Jason.

“Chals! I’m sorry I didn’t get to say good bye to my favorite brother. Will you… will you forgive me?” Escarne looked sheepishly at her small brother.

“Wells.. okays. Bu’ onlies ifs yooz tells Challi whez yew went. Chals wuz wurrid.”
Es sighed, his intense adorableness vanquishing her resolve.

“Alright. Get up here, little fluff.” She pulled him onto her lap, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Challi Fang, this is Aslina…?”

Es looked questioningly at Aslina, who quickly realized what she was wondering.

“Oh, Aslina Twar.”

“Right. Challi Fang, this is Aslina Twar. Aslina C. Twar, this is Challi B. Fang.”

Chals proffered his pudgy hand for his acquaintance to shake.

“It bees vurry niss tuh metz yooz, Ashlins See Turr.”

Aslina smiled sweetly at the child, instantly falling for Chals.

“You can just call me Lins. And how old are you? Wait, wait! Lemme guess… Twenty-five?” She had baby-sat before, and she’d always had a soft-spot for little kids, even when they were rich, selfish brats. When she saw them like that, she wanted so badly to help them. She could tell Chals was exactly what she’d always envisioned for those children to become.

“No, silly! I beez t’ree an’ wun quarrer.” He stopped, looking up at her with a shy pride. “Doos I rellie lukk da’ uld?”

Aslina nodded emphatically. “Are you kidding me? You could be thirty, you look so grown up! You’re sure you’re not twenty-five? Or at least twenty?”

Chals smiled happily, laying his head on his sister’s chest.

“Yuss, I beez cumpeet’y shuz.”

“Escarne! Escarne! I need your help with dinner!” A voice called from the kitchen.

“Hey Chals, you want to come and help Mom with dinner?”

Challi had revealed a sweet side of Es, and for once she was the kind big sister, instead of the disdainful companion.

“No! I wanna ‘tays hurr wiv… wiv her!”

He pointed at Aslina, offended that Es had forgotten how good friends he was with the dirt-flecked teen.

“Oh, but Chals—“

“It’s alright. He can stay if he wants to. Go help your Mom.” Aslina said quickly, happy that Chals liked her.

“Okay. Just send him out when—“

“Juss go, Essi!” Challi directed her to the kitchen, then scrambled back to the couch, beaming at Aslina.

His new friend paused, sniffing the air cautiously.

“Chals… does it smell weird to you too?”

Challi waved his hand airily, dismissing the tone of worry in her voice.

“Nopes. Iz juss Mom cookin’ dinna.” He wrinkled his noise, leaning in close to whisper in her ear. “It duzint smells vurry gud, yoosuly.”

Aslina opened her mouth to protest his indifference, distracted as Chals latched onto her arm. He looked up, staring solemnly into her eyes with his own, pale green ones.

“I beez huggin’ yooz.”

She laughed, hugging him back as best she could.

“Why thank you! Chals, you really are a gentleman. Say, what is your Mommy cooking?”

Chals smiled modestly, and wriggled away, catching a scent in the air.

“Waits - yooz rite. Durrz bee a bad smells. Buh wha’ izzit? Not Mommy’s cookin’ eita. Iz smell reals ucky. Ohs, wha’ it beez?”

He pounded the couch in frustration, his tousled, light brown hair waving this way and that.

“Dinner time!” Escarne’s voice rang from the kitchen, and Chals jumped up, forgetting his anger.

“Weez cummin’!” he called, turning to Aslina, “Cummon, Ashlins! Ees di’er times!”

She followed him into the kitchen, the strange smell fading, replaced by wafts of delicious food.

“It’s nothing much. Just fresh bread, and turkey. And – of course – some milk.”

Escarne rolled her eyes at her mother’s modesty, seeing the blissful look in Aslina’s eyes.

They all sat down in the tiny kitchen, talking about light-hearted things that never once strayed in the direction of Aslina’s ill-fated journey.

“Well! That was quite a spread, Mrs. Fang. How long have you been cooking?”

Aslina patted her full stomach, watching the woman blush with embarrassment.

“Oh, it’s really nothing. And please, call me Sarra. Your – your Mother did.”

There followed a few minutes of contented silence, while everyone scraped the last of their meal off their plates, hoping the little tidbits managed to find some place in their stuffed stomachs.

“So… where did you say you’re Dad went, Es?” Aslina hiccupped, not merely because the silence didn’t seem to want to end.

“Oh – that. He’s off hunting with the pa- er, with some friends.”
A nerve twitched in Aslina’s eyelid, hinting for her to narrow her eyes. It seemed to happen when someone was lying – or telling half the truth. She decided this wouldn’t be a good time to find out, and so changed the subject.

“Chals, you little liar, I thought you said that your Mommy’s cooking was bad!” She frowned at him, but that was cancelled out by the silly smile on her face.

“I sed it duzzint smells tha’ gud, nutt dat it wuzzint tha’ gud. En ennyweyz, it onlies smells bad tuh mee cuz—“

At that moment, Es shot him an amazingly sharp glare, and he stopped, smiling angelically at her.

Aslina pretended none of it had happened.

---

To Chern especially - Jason apologizes for his lack of existence in this chapter, and Delys promises he shall arrive in the next.

OMG!!!! You ended at the most exciting place eveveveeerrr!!

I love the little baby...he is soooo cute and I love how I can't even tell what hes saying sometimes. Chali...it reminds me of a little kid who cant say his 'r's.

Delys is the funniest vampire EVER. I love how he makes it all a joke and at the same time he just wants to EAT EVERYBODY!!! Okay, not exactly. *got too excited and is now hiding under the bed* I wish you would make longer chapters!!!

But I'm still a little confused. Delys/other vampires don't usually come into the werewolf forest thing. But Delys DOES because he wants to get at Aslina....I thought werewolves didn't taste good to vampires? I guess I was wrong. But I want to know more!!! right now

Don't worry, she isn't escaping this time. Bad for Aslina - good for you. And then Jason and Yel come back in... I guess it would be the next chapter... Hmm, yes, I think so.

But you need to stop telling me lied, 'cause I didn't. I never said when Jason was returning, only that it would happen - eventually. So stop being impatient, and wait your turn. You and Delys might end up fighting over him, although you might want him for entirely different reasons.

"I'm alooot like you, so please, I'm yours, I'm waaaiiting. I think I'd be gooooood for you and youuuu'd be goooood for me."

That's what I thought.

Anyway, another terrible cliffhanger that doesn't like me at all. You do this on purpose, you little "and proceeded to lie on the table".

I actually only noticed proof-reabable technical issues and, honestly, this stayed pretty consistent. I like the family and I don't think I could write people the way you do. My dialogue always sounds the same, but, especially in this particular story, your characters all sound very different.

I'm sad that we never actually get to talk to Delys. He always comes in for a second and then disappears. I know in the next chapter it will start where she is running away and Delys' voice fading in the backround...

And, my only criticism is PEOPLE. There were five characters at the beginning of the story. Only one made it to the second chapter. I am not happy about that. You keep leading me on about Jason and then he never comes. I am sad.

Buuuuuut, of course, I liked it. And I am waiting for the chapters that include my beloved.

They searched the trees that surrounded them, but there was no one to be found. For a moment, all was quiet, and the smell of alive, fresh things seemed to fade, replaced by a scent Aslina had only smelled once before.

“Death.” She whispered.

“Run! Oh, quickly!” Escarne shot off, the fear of the moment keeping Aslina just behind.

“Hey, wait up!” Delys sounded almost playful as he shouted at the two, but neither thought it wise to look back.

And then something happened that Aslina knew just wasn’t possible.

Her ears pulled back into her head, coming back out, all grey and furry, on the top of her head. She fell onto her hands and knees, fingernails turning swiftly into claws.

A wolf’s pelt rippled across her skin; a tail sprouted where it certainly hadn’t been before. She felt her nose grow a good few inches, and, for no reason in particular, was reminded vividly of Pinocchio.

What did I lie about, again? A wolfish smile filled her furry face for a moment, and then she started off again, sure Delys was just behind her.

“Lins! Come back!” Tina’s voice flew to her ears, and, in what she thought later was probably the stupidest thing she’d ever done, the wolf-Aslina turned, trying to spot her friend.

Something hit her hard, toppling her into the mossy grass with a horrible crunch. Delys’ voice chuckled into her ear.

“Aren’t wolves supposed to be smart?”

“Most wolves are, just not me.” She snapped, more angry at herself than Delys.

“Oh, but you are. You weren’t supposed to believe that Es was good, but your eyes pierced straight through the veil I put on her. You were supposed to freeze up when you heard my voice, but your deepest instincts fought against that, too. And you were – well, you fell for that one.” He smiled teasingly at her, his eyes the same orangey-brown as before.

“Gee, I feel better now. The self-esteem thermometer just flew into the twenties.”

She tried to get up, but her left foreleg crumpled beneath her, and she fell back into the dewy grass, Delys’ mocking laugh ringing in her sensitive ears.

“I thought you’d drag it out more, Parasite.”

Then her eyes widened, and she remembered the dream. Her mother… had she been talking to this same man?

“Actually, I think I will. For a short while, at least. Besides, your blood is wolf-tainted now. It will taste better later. Try to drink some alcohol soon, yes?”

He flashed her a final smile, then disappeared into the deep foliage, his last words ringing quietly through the trees.

Aslina was too wrapped up in her various thoughts to realize that she had become human again. Delys’ voice threw her brain into a turmoil of too many emotions to be sorted. The clearest thought in her mind was an odd sort of wonder.

I’ve read plenty of books about… them. Yet none of those characters said it all so outright. He doesn’t skip around the point at all. Taste better? She shook her head despairingly, wondering why he was so sure of himself; of his nature. He made her blood sound like a favorite drink of his that hadn’t been made quite right. Then again... was it?

Getting up – and forgetting that her leg had been so recently injured – she realized that she hadn’t the faintest idea of where Escarne had been leading her, or where the wolf had gotten to. She was just considering sitting down and waiting when a voice full of heavy disbelief sounded from behind her.

“You’re... still alive?”

Aslina turned, letting out a startled scream.

“Don’t do that! I was sure Delys had changed his mind!”

The wolf stared at her, obviously confused with this strange girl’s behavior.

“De-Delys? You mean, he- he found you? He… but…”

“He got here, he said my… that it was tainted, and that he could wait. Then he told me to drink some beer – great role model, right? – before he came back, and then just left.”

Es still looked faintly puzzled, and made it quite clear as she asked her next question.

“Alcohol? That stuff you idiots drink so you can forget how stupid you are? Oh no… please tell me you didn’t have any before he… before you got there.”

Aslina looked sheepishly over at Es.

“I – I had one bottle. Just one. Then I realized how dumb I was being, and how nasty it tasted – no sweetener at all! – and didn’t have any more.”

The brown wolf moaned, (or as well as wolves can) turning back onto the path with a certain ire for the clueless teenager she had found.

“Your race is pretty damn dim-witted, but I’ve never met one with less brains than you, Aslina C.”

“Please, I’m already in the dark about too much. Why exactly are you insulting my intelligence?”
Escarne didn’t look back, but kept to the invisible trail doggedly.

“It’s like – it’s like blood salt. Most… most of them like it. And it makes everything easier - drinking blood I mean – when the victim is drunk. They’re not as aware.”

Aslina sighed regretfully. Everything that can go wrong has, She thought, with a new kind of disgust for herself.

“Yes, if you’d like to know, it is all your fault,” Es said calmly, carefully side-stepping a muddy puddle that had ignorantly hoped to wet her dainty paws.

Her faithful follower stepped directly into the dirty body of water, a stream of equally filthy words flowing forth. She pulled the delinquent foot free, scowling darkly at the clearing that had opened before them.

“We’re finally there! Thanks to De-De- him, we got here much too late to see Father. But it wasn’t my fault,” Es quickly added, shooting a disdainful look in her companion’s direction.

The wolf paused for a moment at the grassy opening of the huge field (which Aslina offhandedly noticed was dotted with little huts), taking an enormous breath, her tail wagging crazily. Then she just… stood.

Aslina gasped, her eyes widening in impossible disbelief as Escarne transformed from a brown-grey wolf to a slim, eighteen-year-old girl.

“Shut your mouth before you open it,” She snapped, hastily pushing a wisp of light brown hair behind a pale ear.

Aslina pursed her lips obediently, yet her eyes stayed in enormously-huge-mode, amazed by the strange woman’s appearance.

Es brushed off her tank-top and jeans, checking for dirt stains or any other offending flecks as she strode slowly to the first hut in the little row.

“Mom! I’m home. And I brought a,” she paused, turning to look at Aslina. Her eyes still wide, her clothes and skin covered in dirt and other odds from the forest escapade, the teen simply stared. “Thing.”

The dream Aslina had as she floated through her light-headed unconsciousness was one she’d had many times before. It always seemed to end the same way, but for some reason, she had a feeling it would stray from the ordinary this time…

“Mommy, Mommy, look at this!” squealed the little girl, her thick, black-brown curls bouncing up and down as she did.

“What is it, Lins?” her mother chuckled, extending her hand so the small girl could drop the letter into her hand. “Ooh, did you get this from the mailbox, sweetie?” the woman asked, arching her eye-brows.

“No, I founds it in th’bushes over t’ere!” She pointed excitedly at the tidy row of rosebushes.

“Let’s see… oh, it’s for you, Lins!”
She opened the letter carefully, and took out the scrap of paper, starting to carelessly skim it. Then her grey eyes widened, and a manicured hand flew to her mouth, ignoring the lipstick that stuck to it as she turned to her daughter.

“Lins, get in the house.” She said, calm but commanding.

“But Mom, I—“ she began, but was silenced.

“Get in the house, Aslina.”

The five-year-old looked cowed as she shuffled inside through the sliding glass door. Her mother followed quickly, setting the letter on the table without a second glance.

“Aslina Chaeurette, go to your room and lock the door. Do not open to anyone, even if it sounds like Mommy wants to come in. Do you understand?”

Aslina looked terrified, but nodded, dashing away as fast as she could.

The woman snatched a key from the table, strolling nonchalantly out into the front yard.

“You’re there, you can’t fool me. Come out, Parasite.” She snarled, roving over the trees and bushes with her piercing grey eyes.

“Don’t call me that, Dog. It really does hurt my feelings. Ah, not that you care.”

A man in his late twenties stepped out from behind a beech tree, about ten feet from the porch where Aslina’s mother stood. She didn’t seem the least surprised at his sudden appearance. She merely raised her eyebrows, disdain thick in her voice.

“Why you’re here is a mystery to me. But it doesn’t matter, because you’re leaving - now.”

He didn’t seem the slightest bit phased by the vehemence in her tone.

“Give me the girl and I will go.” He didn’t ask - he demanded.

“You’re not taking Aslina anywhere. Leave now, Parasite. You’ve ruined one life, you need not destroy another.”

He ignored her, advancing until he could have reached out and touched her.

“You promised, Dog. You promised, and you never break your promises, do you? The girl will come with me now, or she will come with me later. For one like Parasite, waiting is the nature of things.” He didn’t seem angry, only determined.

“I never promised you anything, which was intelligence on my part. Get out of here; she is not yours to take.”

And that was when the dream stopped its normal flow.

Instead of leaving like he always did in the end, the man tackled her, ripping into her throat, a horrible growl piercing the quiet morning’s air.

“Mommy, Mommy!” Aslina had come out of her room at the sound of the growl, almost hysterical with fright.

Her mother looked up, and with her final shred strength, she grabbed her daughter’s chubby hand, howling mournfully to blazing sun.

For a moment, Aslina shimmered oddly, almost forgetting her predicament.

“No!” the monster shouted, struggling to stop what the dying woman was doing for the tiny child.

And then Aslina vanished, a final, plaintive ‘Mommy!’ hanging in the thick silence.

She fell onto her back, smiling triumphantly at her murderer.

“You’ll never get her, Lliestt. Never.” And then she lay still, eyelids slowly shutting over grey irises.

For a moment, the scene rippled, and then was shattered as a voice – that seemed to come from somewhere high above her – called her name.

“Aslina! Where are you?”

Aslina jumped up, ignoring the stinging pain that clung to her neck, and turned in the direction of her father’s voice, stopping for a moment to make sure that he was that way.

“Aslina? Aslina?”

But just as she began to run, his voice seemed to start coming from the opposite direction. She turned again, dashing towards the sound as fast as she could.

“Aslina Chaeurette?”

Yet again, the voice switched direction, to an altogether different place. Her head began to ache, and she sat down, gasping for breath.

“Aslina… Lins…”

His voice disappeared completely, and her heart calmed again, as she assured herself she’d only heard him because she’d wanted to; that it wasn’t something to do with this strange, mysterious forest.

She watched the leaves fall from their trees slowly, and it reminded her of something, though she wasn’t sure what.

“Falling…” she whispered, the memory she sought desperately running from her searching gaze. A dark shadow seemed to pass before her, and a familiar snicker filled the air ominously.

Something crackled behind her; dead branches and twigs. And for a moment, she debated whether it was worth it to even turn around, considering she was lost somewhere in the woods, not even sure how she’d arrived in the first place.

Laying back, she closed her eyes, the hot breath of the thing above her softly caressing her pale face.

“Go on, finish me off. Not that it much matters, s’pose. I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to, and even if I could, I—“

“I’m not going to kill you, Aslina. Get up, quickly. He’ll be back soon, and I don’t believe finishing you off on accident will worry him.” It was a female voice, and it sounded a little older than Aslina herself.
Rolling over, the girl came eye-to-eye with a brownish-grey wolf, the irises set in her head a pale grey-green color. She looked just as terrified as Aslina felt.

“Come, hurry! He’ll be here any minute. You may have a chance at leaving this wood alive if you follow me, but not if you stand there like a sick cow.” She growled, turned, and padded away into the trees, Aslina following at what she hoped was a safe distance.

“This is ridiculous. I’m trusting a wolf to lead me away from some weird, parasitic, blood-sucking creature who looks a random guy I think I know, and that makes me five times as crazy as Maia. Trust me, that is saying a lot.” She began to talk just to keep the pressing silence at bay. “Speaking of saying a lot, I wonder where Lathos and Delys got to. It might be funny to find they got attacked by that weird creature too, and then we could—“

The wolf interrupted again, something rumbling in her throat that sounded dangerously like a growl.

“D- the younger one is the vam-vamp- oh, never mind what he is! He’s the one that brought you here, the one who kept you asleep for two days, and the one who dr-drank your blood.”

Aslina stopped dead, all the memories that had been hiding somewhere in her mind jumping out, rushing back to her in a waterfall of dark nights, strange people, and freakish, over-intelligent birds.

“Oh… yeah. So that’s why I couldn’t remember…?”

Her hand flew to her neck, feeling the soft, smooth surface of unbroken skin.

“It still hurts, but there’s no trace of a wound, right?”

The wolf had returned to Aslina’s side silently, a look in her eyes that the teen couldn’t quite understand.

“Y-yeah…” she shivered involuntarily, frowning at the animal. “Funny, I think I trust you, but it certainly doesn’t seem you trust me. You haven’t even told me your name! Then again wild animals have always been sort of… distrustful.”

“That’s ‘cause of how mean you humans are to us. ‘Specially wolves. And if you have to call me something, call me Escarne. Silent ‘c’. And don’t forget. I’m sick of people forgetting.” She grumbled, then started forward again, in what Aslina pictured as a sort of aimless stroll.

“I thought you said D-D—“ she stopped, seeing the angry look in Escrane’s eyes. “I me-mean, is he following?”

For a moment, the brown wolf paused, trying to decide whether or not she should tell her new burden the truth of the matter.

“Duh. As soon as you got up, he knew about it. I’m pretty sure…” she swung her head around, facing forward.

She doesn’t want to see my reaction, does she? Aslina thought, an odd shudder traveling quickly through her body.

“He… he’s waiting. He likes drawing these things out. I think the parasite gets some sick enjoyment out of the victim’s terror. He sa-says… he says…”

Aslina could almost smell the mixture of disgust and fear that swirled around the wolf, mixing and fading into that earthy scent of the forest.

“Well, some of… of them say that blood tastes better when the victim has been terrified and hunted for awhile. That could just be something meant to scare humans, though.”

She didn’t seem sure at all, and to Aslina it seemed a failed attempt at reassurance. But reassuring whom?

“We’re almost there. If he decides he wants to wait, we might make it. Depending on h-his mood. We don’t have a chance if he’s mad that you got away.”

“He shouldn’t have left me lying in the wood if he was afraid I’d ‘get away’!” She screeched, running to keep up with Escarne.

“You’re right. It was stupid of me.”

Girl and wolf froze, Delys’ rueful voice echoing through the greenery ominously.

C H A P T E R T H R E E

For a few moments all Aslina did was lie still, the chirping of the crickets and the rustlings of birds going to their nests comforting her shocked mind.

She breathed deeply, the earthy smell of dirt, grass, trees, and other scents she wasn’t sure of helping her racing heart to slow its insane thumping.

Then she heard a husky voice pulling through the fog of her half-consciousness, and a cold hand wiping something hot and sticky from her face.

“Not again! She’s alive, isn’t she? I suppose this is my luck - again.” He paused for a moment, then decided to add, “You know your limitations Delys. Do not bend them, unless you want it to happen again.”

She could almost hear the speaker shuddering as he said it.

“I’m not that stupid – it was merely a pinch of alcohol. I’ll be much more careful with this one.” The second voice was softer, almost breathy… and familiar.

“Listen,” Aslina slurred dazedly, opening her eyes. “I dunno what’s going on, but I’d like to go home if that’s… okay…” she trailed off, remembering the very recent happenings.

A younger man – who seemed to be in his mid-twenties – leant over her, his short black hair constantly falling into his strange, orangey-brown eyes. There were a few highlights of red in it, and his irises seemed to get darker by the second.

“Whatever argument you have with each other can wait until I’m gone, right?” she whimpered, something in his odd eyes frightening her.

“No, I’m afraid it can’t.” Said the other, deeper voice.

She turned her head towards the speaker, and the moment they locked eyes he seemed to age, from thirty to fifty. His brown hair was suddenly tinged with grey, and wrinkles appeared where there had been none before. He stared down his blunt nose at her, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Oh no, not tonight… why did it have to be tonight?” He looked like he might start crying. Aslina had an odd urge to get up and comfort him, and didn’t even think about what she said next.

“I can go now, won’t that help?” she half-squeaked, starting to stand.

The younger man pushed her back down, the odd look spilling out of his eyes into the rest of his face.

“Lathos,” he said over his shoulder, “don’t do that. You’re only manipulating her, you know.”
A horrible feeling began to creep into the pit of her stomach, and her mind raced madly, trying desperately to find an avenue of escape.

“We apologize m’dear. We didn’t mean to find you, but now that we have, I’m not sure if I… well…”

“Shut it,” She growled, swatting the younger man’s hand from it’s place on her stomach. It didn’t budge. “I know what happened. Your precious Delys here led me into the woods – although he said we were looking for the ranger cabin – and got lost. Yeah, right.”

His green eyes were full of regret, but Aslina steeled herself against the pull of sympathy, glaring at both of them.

She looked around, realizing that she’d somehow ended up in a place very deep in the forest. The trees crowded around, as if trying to catch some of the odd conversation that floated through their leafy branches.

“Can’t I just..?” but she realized it was useless. There was no going back to the street now – Delys would make sure of that.

“It’s nothing short of a damned miracle that you’re still alive.” The younger man said, shaking his head in disbelief.

“How, exactly? Because you haven’t killed me yet?” she demanded, starting to feel angry instead of scared. “I’m leaving now, and I’d rather not have to scream. I might end up getting sick all over you… although that might be a good thing.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” He said calmly.

“Oh, I wouldn’t?” She whispered, a threat clear in her voice.

“Don’t argue with him. He doesn’t get angry, but he might – by pure accident, you understand – end up tripping you over a waterfall someday. He remembers things as clearly as an elephant.”

For a moment, there seemed to be a smile inching into Lathos’ sad face, but it disappeared as quickly as it had threatened to come.

“What are you saying?” Growled Delys, for a moment turning to the older man.

Aslina tried to use his distraction to her advantage, jumping quickly to her feet.

“Don’t move another inch.” They warned her simultaneously.

“You aren’t - although this may surprise you - in charge of me. I have to get home before my Dad wonders what became of me.” She snarled, turning to leave.

“He’ll be wondering what became of your body if you don’t sit down.” There was no hint of a joke in Delys’ voice.

Aslina ignored his threat, all other emotions drowned in her anger. “I don’t know what the hell this is about, whether you’re drug-lords or escaped crazies, but I’m not staying to find out.”

But before she could turn and run something hit her hard in the back, and she fell on her hands and knees, a river of curses flowing from her mouth.

Delys rolled her onto her back, pinning her to the grassy ground.

“Lathos, get out of here.” There was a serious authority in his order.

For some reason that Aslina couldn’t understand, his eyes kept straying to her wrists; her neck.

“I already told you, no. You’re not doing this again.”

Somehow Lathos had managed to cross the distance in mere seconds, although she’d never seen him move.

“You seemed to have forgotten what happened last time. Do I need to remind you?” He said softly, searching Delys’ face.

“They won’t remember in the morning if something goes wrong. If not, well… they still won’t.”

Lathos reached out, grabbing the younger man by his shoulder.

“You wouldn’t… would you?”

“Why not? I just told you, he won’t remember he had a daughter. Neither will anyone else.”

Aslina’s eyes flicked back and forth between the two, heart thumping at a crazed pace.

“Let me go. I don’t want to get involved, no matter what this is about. Just let me leave.” She begged, trembling pitifully in the cold breeze.

Delys ignored her, turning to the older man.

“Lathos, go. I don’t like being watched, you know.” He said it firmly, but there was question in his eyes. The elder stared back at him, and for a moment, they seemed to be struggling to win the battle, both determined to be victorious.

A solitary bird, although Aslina wasn’t quite sure what kind it was, twittered its plaintive song from a nearby oak, and she almost imagined an intent interest on its little face as it watched the two men.

What seemed like hours later, (although it couldn’t have been more than a minute that the odd duel lasted), Lathos sighed, nodded, and walked off, sitting down a small distance away; barely visible through the trees.

Aslina thought she saw him open his mouth to say something, but then he closed it again, situating himself so he could look the other way.

Delys turned back to Aslina, a thirsty expression on his pointed face. She shivered, instinctively inching backwards on the grass.

“Don’t move, unless you’d like to die.” He murmured.

His hand was slowly inching towards her neck, and for a moment, she had the craziest urge to lie back onto the grass and close her eyes. She fought it with the last of her strength, determined to at least witness what he was going to do.

“Remember Aslina, this has nothing to do with you.”

The hand had reached her throat, and his right fore-finger’s nail seemed grow longer, sharper. Suddenly it bit deep, a trickle of blood running down her shirt.

He smiled at her, white teeth shimmering in the moonlight. Then he leant down, his lips brushing her throat. For a moment, indecision filled the air.

His hand slipped to the back of her neck, and pulled her slightly up, drinking gently of the red liquid.

C H A P T E R T W O

“Lins, wake up! C’mon Lins, c’mon!”

Tina’s anxious voice broke the darkness, and Aslina shot up, hurrying to reassure the teen with a hug.

“Ah, Tina, you worry too much. I’m fine – my head just hurts a little.” She smiled, squeezing her friend’s shoulder.

“Oh, thank God you’re okay! You really scared me ‘n Jason for a sec.”

“Nah, I wasn’t worried. That horrible noise that assaulted my ears when you hit the window? Totally awesome.” Jason laughed, patting Aslina on the back as Tina helped her up.

“Y’know what, Jason? Shut up.” She smiled, ignoring the throbbing in her head as she glanced around.

“Yes’m. But… now what? The truck’s wrecked, and Maia and Chris must’ve left before we woke up, ‘cuz they aren’t here either.”

Aslina sighed, carelessly kicking Jason’s shins as she looked the old blue truck over.

“Yups, your Dad is going to murder you like, six times.” She paused, frowning. “Wait, so Maia ‘n Chris’re gone? Maybe they went to find a call-box or something.”

“Perhaps, but you know how lazy that idiot Chris is. Doesn’t seem probable that they would just walk, and no one’s gonna find this accident for awhile. It’s like, what, four in the morning?”

She leaned up against the over-turned truck, gesturing towards the open road.

“Go find a phone or something – unless you guys have cell-phones with you? Thought not. I’ll wait here, my head is really starting to hurt. ‘S a miracle you guys didn’t get injured.”

Jason nodded, leaving out his and Tina’s injuries to spare their friend.

“Mhm, we’ll get going. C’mon Tina, sometime before Christmas, maybe?”

He ducked as she swung at his head, pulling her along down the street.

“The gun’s still in the cab, ‘case you see the mountain lion!” He called back, dodging another one of Tina’s swipes as they turned a sharp corner.

Aslina slid down onto the asphalt, closing her eyes and trying to tune out her pounding head. It seemed like hours before footsteps began to echo back along the ground.

“Wow, Jason. So much for—” She stopped, stunned at the obviously-not-Jason man before her.

Wow, he certainly isn’t ugly, she thought – vaguely amused – to herself, green eyes skimming across the odd guy.

Black and red – blood-red – hair framed his face, his ridiculously pale complexion almost unnerving. His full lips were turned up in a soft smile, thin, sharp nose pointing directly at her. His – quite literally – orangey-brown eyes pierced through her, twinkling… hungrily? She suppressed a shudder as he stepped towards her.

“I’m sorry for frightening you,” He said, his smooth, breathy voice just as strange as the rest of his 6’0 self. “I heard loud noises out here a while back, and finally plucked up the courage to survey what I supposed would be a bloody wreckage. You, I’m guessing, were in the accident?”

“Yes, yes.” Aslina said impatiently, “I’m waiting for my friends to get help, since one has a dead battery, and the other forgot to bring his entirely.”

It was the man’s turn to be surprised, although quite mildly.

“But – you have a cell-phone in your pocket… or am I mistaken?”

Aslina’s hand slipped into her jean pocket, visibly shocked when her hand found cold, sleek metal.

“Huh, I was absolutely sure I’d left it at home…”

Flipping out open, she dialed nine-one-one, finger sliding to the call button-

“I’m certain that’s unnecessary,” said the man, pulling the phone from her hands and shutting it. He slipped it into his jacket, smiling in a way that sent shivers down Aslina’s back.

“What’s wrong with calling an ambulance? I might have a concussion or something—”

“You don’t,” He interrupted, the disconcerting smile still centered calmly on his face.

“And how the hell would you know?” She snapped, more scared than angry.

“I know – because I do. C’mon, I’ll take you to the ranger’s cabin a little into the forest. They’ll be able to help you until your friends get back.”

The last thing Aslina wanted to do was wander into the forest with a strange guy who stole people’s phones… but he didn’t seem particularly evil, just sort of – odd.

She sighed, nodding, and followed him down the little hill from the freeway into the dark woods, biting the insides of her cheeks to stay calm.

“So, where do you live?” He asked, presumably to start up some sort of a conversation.

“None of—” she stopped, deciding that this wasn’t the time to make him angry. “Outskirts of Chicago, about half hour from here. You?”

“Me? I’m visiting here from New York. Just flew in yesterday, but I miss the city already.”

She opened her mouth to point out the oddity of his lack of accent, then decided it didn’t matter enough to waste her breath.

They journeyed on past trees, bushes, streams, and other shrubbery that Aslina didn’t bother attempting to put a name to. All the greenery seemed much the same in the dark – yet something about the smell of wet earth, and fresh, growing things seemed familiar to her, sort of… comforting.

She was just starting to really enjoy the walk when the man whirled on her, smiling.

“This should be far enough. Oh dear, I think we’re lost! I guess we’ll have to stay here for the night.” His voice rung purposefully false, and she frowned, backing away.

“Liar. Where did you take me?”
Her heart was thumping wildly, and no more words seemed to want to come out.

“Nowhere, apparently.”

He shoved her onto the grass, the smile still clinging to his face.

I liked this, though it is not to my typical taste. I think you started out with some effective descriptions.
E.g. (a memorable one)

abundant with twinkling stars and a bright, full moon.

Oh no! .........Oh no! ..........Oh no!

This could be bad.

Don't worry Nans. The similar character thing is going to work out nicely. However, I will put in more description, and add the next chapter.

This was definitely better.

The characters were much more vivid and I like the funny dynamic. I also liked the description that you did put in, it was good. My favorite part was when Jason says he wants to meet the mountain lion - it made me laugh.

Still, despite all that, I would say a little more description regarding other things. A hole in the seat of the car. The smell of nasty-something or other. The freckles on Yel's nose. The way the odd light of the moon illuminates laughter and idiocy. More description is NECESSARY, it will make the story better and more intriguing.

Like I said, I like the characters - although I like Jason the best - but I think they still act alot like Keyli and Risi. I don't feel like they are very clear or intriguing. Change the dialogue around and perhaps make them say things that we aren't expecting. I'm sure you can do this. I mean, think about all the weird things that we talk about and how we say things differently from other people. I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying you need to PRACTICE it.

Well, that's about it. Let me know when you post the next chapter AND when you edit this chapter.

Wonderful prologue, the action is there, I can recognize it. However, it would be better if I actually felt it. A prologue is an important part of a story too, so make sure that your characters are vivid enough to catch readers' attention and not merely seem as if "passing by". Other than that, good job.

Best of luck.

Nice start, laying out the main character's feelings, however, she seems a bit shallow.

Some complaints... In the second sentence, you used the word "drunkenly". I'm not even sure if that's a word, as it seems very awkward. I'd try "drunkly", though for some reason, that doesn't sound much better.

At the end of the second paragraph, you used the first person "I'm". Don't. The perspective is third person everywhere else; keep some consistancy.

It's a good start. I would complain about the characters being annoyingly shallow, but this is just the prologue. As long as you add some history and more motive aside from boredom, it should be ok.

This was written fairly well, but I would definitely change the beginning. It's not a very grabbing opening to me and seems a bit cliche.

By the way, I love the name of the MC. It rolls off the tongue.

Yay! A new story. I liked it and, if nothing else, it will be good practice and you will learn something from it.

Uh oh. It starts out with the average ordinary person without a care in the world. I might suggest making Aslina more vivid. Perhaps have the story begin as she is getting drunk. Have her feel guilty, wonder about what she is doing and perhaps have her ask her drunk friends for advice, receiving no help, of course. She feels disgusting for even considering it but then her feeling of digustingness, along with other things - maybe not to do with 'mediocre life' - cause her to make the mistake.

If we get to know the characters a little better before the car ride it will make everything more dramatic.

Also, add more description. The description you do give is vivid and good - I liked it - but you need more. Is the air freezing? Does the car smell awful? Does the stale perfume and stench of alcohol mix and smell like wet dog and old people in a blender?

Cut down on the characters. Put three in the car and describe them more completely. Make sure you know them before you write their dialogue.

That's pretty much it. After you go over and this and edit it, let me know. I definitely want to read more.

Hey! It's late, but this is short, so you get a quick review.

Nit-Picks

It wasn’t a very complicated matter, if one really thought it over. Yet Aslina didn’t even pretend to think about anything as she jumped into the back of her best friend’s truck, laughing drunkenly with the other three who sat with her.

She knew she was only sixteen, that her father had told her never to partake of alcohol, that she could die in a horrible accident.

Yet at that point she didn’t really care. She was sick of her mediocre life, although I’m not sure if she would’ve phrased it that way.

It was a dark, cold night, full of twinkling stars and a bright, full moon. The trees swayed in the full breeze, and nightingales belted out their songs, down to the last chick.

Yet all this natural beauty was lost to the five passengers of the blue truck, especially Aslina.

Her curly, dark brown hair flew out behind her, its length seeming to grow much longer than to her elbows.

They all kept passing around the beer until it was gone, and by then they were all to intoxicated to care whether or not the police found them,[s];[/s] whether or not the guy who was driving the vehicle was as dead drunk as they.

“The forest? But I thought there was like, a mountain lion attack there yesterday or… or something,[s].[/s]” [s]S[/s]she said, worry clear in her voice.

“Heh, don’t worry Lins. We brought a hand-gun,[s].[/s]” [s]C[/s]called the passenger-seated Tilly.

For a moment, time seemed to freeze, and Aslina saw the whole thing [s]lain[/s] laid out before her.

Her friends were frozen with horror, all traces of drunkenness gone from their faces.

But just as she was craning her neck to make sure the huge thing wasn’t occupied, time seemed to start again, and she was flung bodily from the impending collision, a horrible feeling replacing that empty void of mediocrity.

She realized she’d rather be home with her family, brushing up her latest essay, than dying in a drunk-driving accident.

“Am I really going to die?” she whispered.

That was pretty good. There was one mistake that caught my eye though, just to tell you. Where you said " and by then they were all to intoxicated to care whether or not the police found them" the 'to' in front of 'intoxicated' should be 'too' as in Very; extremely; immensely. I hate that word. There is too many meanings for it.